Think of a time in your life when things were at an all time low. Where it felt like every little thing was happening to you and nothing was happening for you. Where your energy was low, overwhelm was high, and hope was essentially non-existent. This could be attributed to a break up, a lousy job, family issues, or maybe all of the above simultaneously!
Now, just for kicks, think of a time in your life when things were at their best. Maybe you were cruising at work, and your boss was recognizing you for all your efforts. Maybe you were in a passionate, fun, loving relationship. Maybe you were traveling a lot, or a part of a really fun friend group that left you feeling supported and brought lots of laughter to your life.
Whatever it was that you felt fulfilled by, remember that time.
How did your outlook on life differ in those times?
In scenario one, were you cycling through disempowering feelings like frustration, impatience, inadequacy, or even helplessness? Did you spend majority of your time in these mental states?
Likely, the answer is yes.
What about scenario two. When things were reallllly jiving for you, were you primarily living in emotions of joy, inspiration, motivation, and gratitude?
You see where I’m going with this?
You may think, duh Kim, my life was on POINT, of course I was happy. When things were shitty, of course I felt low. Everything bad that could happen to me was!!
But let me paint you a picture.
3 years ago, I was working 12-14 hour days at a job that no longer suited me. My clients were miserable, which in turn made me miserable (or so I thought). I felt undervalued, unmotivated, and stuck. I was living at my mom’s house because I didn’t want to sign another lease, knowing in my gut that the Washington DC area wasn’t right for me anymore, and my desire to live abroad was stronger than ever.
I felt trapped and helpless and the more I played these songs in my head, the more they rang true.
But then, something happened.
Within a span of 3 months, I connected with an entirely new community of people, who were located all over the world. I landed a new position which would afford me the ability to travel full time. Thousands of dollars came to me unexpectedly and I was able to pay off lingering debt.
How did all this seemingly good fortune happen so suddenly?
The truth is simple. I decided it would. And by deciding, my entire emotional state shifted.
NOTHING about my external reality changed. The commute was the same, friends were the same, clients were the same. Everything that was outside of me stayed consistent.
The difference, and the catalyst to the amazing change that was brought into my life, was the change I made on the inside. I decided that I was no longer available for that life. That I would be moving abroad within 6 months, because it was important to me. And I took immediate and massive action.
This empowering decision created a new emotional home inside me. I was excited, and motivated, and hopeful!
I focused on the fact that this was happening (that it was CERTAIN), and every single day until the point that I boarded a plane for Europe, some new opportunity was uncovered for me, because now I was available to see it.
In order for things to change for you, YOU must change.
So how can you start changing your emotional home TODAY in a way that will create positive change in your life?
Step 1: Change your vocabulary.
Eliminate the words that put you in a low state. Words are so powerful, that even if you’re NOT feeling tired or overwhelmed, if you’re so used to identifying with those, and you keep saying them, they will make themselves true.
Your thoughts become the things in your life, so choose different words to think about.
The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.
That means that step one is to choose new words to define ourselves, our surroundings, and our experience. By conditioning yourself to use these new words, you’ll be conditioning yourself to feel them and be them.
Step 2: Think of emotions as something you DO, not something you feel.
Often we give control to our emotions, and let them steer the wheel, when in reality we are the master of our universe. Since it can be hard for some people to accept the old adage “control your emotions don’t let them control you” if we think of emotions as an action, we’re able to quickly nip it in the bud.
Since we know that realistically no one can make us do anything, but it’s more difficult for people to accept that the truth is also no one can make us feel anything, we have more power over our emotions of we decide that we just don’t do them anymore!
Some emotions you might give up doing: overwhelm, self-pity, impatience, inadequacy.
Tell yourself that you don’t do that emotion anymore, and replace it with a new emotion that you would like to be doing. This may take practice, but then again that’s why we call it conditioning!
Step 3: Ask intelligent questions.
Which of these is more empowering?
“How come I never seem to earn enough money?” vs. “How can I earn an extra $5,000 this month?”
One opens the door for opportunity, while the other just leads to further frustration and a continued negative state.
You can see, if you ask a shitty question, you’re going to get a shitty answer. Or another way to phrase that is, if you ask a disempowering question, you’re going to get a disempowering answer.
Set yourself up for success by asking intelligent questions!
-----
By taking responsibility for our emotional state, we take responsibility for our experience. Since it’s often difficult to go from suffering to enjoyment, instead focus on moving into a state of gratitude, and watch how much easier Steps 1-3 become.
You got this.